I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
