my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
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