I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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