Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Where is the hickey?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
not ubering you a puppy
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
