god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
