oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
