Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
