I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize