Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
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I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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