Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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