You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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