Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
