I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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