my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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