Only a mothe r could love this liver
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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