I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
