So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I cannot find my penis.
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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