Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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