we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
