lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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