I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
