I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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