Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
