Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
