We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
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Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
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Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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