The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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