A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
