I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
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No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
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Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
why is half of my head shaved?
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