i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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