Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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