Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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