I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
