Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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