theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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