If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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