May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
