Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
