ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
