did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
im holly from the hills drunk
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Randomize
