You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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