I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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