Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
