She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Sober January is a disaster.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
