I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
