tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
