So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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