somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I look better un-naked...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
