This is not my ceiling
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Randomize
