I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
