it was like his penis was on wheels.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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