is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
