So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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