Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
