Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
