whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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