Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
