I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
