Dude my mom stole all your condoms
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I cockslap morals
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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