I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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