I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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