i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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