like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
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