And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
