Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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