How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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