I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
She just used a chaser for red wine.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
