Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
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