i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize