I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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