I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
