well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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