and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
