Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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