So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Need sex. Gaining weight.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
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