my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
