Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
