I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
