ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
