Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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