when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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