i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
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Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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